Effective Communication Skills

1) Listen without judgment. The key to good communication is listening well.
Save your judging for later after you have heard and understood what was
said.

2) Listen with the willingness to be swayed to the other person’s
opinion. No obligation to actually being swayed, but stay open to the
option.

3) Listen without thinking about what you will say next. Take
time before you respond.

4) Do not be invested in being right. Being
right is not the point. If you must be right, you are not able to listen nor
communicate because you have set up a barrier already. If you are always right
that means the other person is always wrong. That cannot be true.

5) If
your mind wanders, ask for repetition. We all are subject to distraction. Try to
stay focused.

6) In all cases repeat back what you heard and ask if it is
correct.

7) Listen to yourself. Find quiet moments and pay attention to
what you are hearing from yourself. Does your body tighten up about certain
issues. Body language is not something to read only in
other
people.

Say it honestly, but with consideration for the listener’s
feelings. Be polite, respectful and sincere.

9) Understand and
acknowledge that most things are not black or white, but somewhere in a gray
area. Get comfortable with gray.

10) Have integrity and build trust.
Don’t say what you don’t mean. Don’t promise what you won’t or can’t fulfill.
Follow through with any committments you make.

Good listening skills take
practice. Specific coaching may be necessary if you find you have communication
issues with your boss, colleagues, subordinates, partners or personal
relationships.

by Dr. Dorene Lehavi
Dorene Lehavi, Ph.D. is principal of Next Level Business and Professional
Coaching. She coaches Professionals and Business Partners and teaches
teleclasses on techniques to break through barriers to the next level. Dr.
Lehavi offers a complimentary coaching session so you can experience how
coaching can work for you. Contact Dr. Lehavi at href="mailto:DL@CoachingforYourNextLevel.com">DL@CoachingforYourNextLevel.com
or on the web at href="http://www.CoachingforYourNextLevel.com">http://www.CoachingforYourNextLevel.com
Subscribe to Mastering Your Next Level monthly e-newsletter at http://www.coachingforyournextlevel.com/newsletter.html

listening:
The Foundation of All Communication

“Give every man
thine ear, but few thy voice.” Shakespeare
“Wisdom is the reward you get for
a lifetime of listening when you’d have preferred to talk.”
Doug
Larson

As a trainer, consultant, manager of training or HR specialist you
are expected to be a pro at communicating. And you probably realize there is
always more to learn or at least revisit to stay fresh and current. If you are
really interested in improving your communication skills, read carefully. Here’s
the answer: LISTENING.

Now, here are the questions. What is the
foundation of ALL communication? What communication skill were you using long
before you thought about reading, writing or speaking? Out of the four basic
communication skills which one do you use the most? How did you do? That wasn’t
too hard was it? We should be off to a great start together.

Now here
are a couple of questions that require you to think. How much time did you spend
learning to read, write and speak clearly during your years of formal education?
How much time did you invest on listening skills? Your first answer was probably
similar to mine…lots. From first grade through high school and into college we
are constantly learning and reviewing the skills of reading, writing and
speaking. But how much were you taught about listening? Your second answer was
also probably like mine. I never had a specific course nor any detailed
instruction in listening skills during all of my formal education. Does that
mean listening isn’t important? Does it prove that we don’t need to be taught
how to listen? The answers are obvious.

Why is Listening Important?


Here’s 10 reasons: 1) To receive information; 2) To be courteous; 3) To
solve problems; 4) To make money; 5) To prevent waste; 6) To save time; 7) To be
more efficient and effective; To prevent accidents; 9) To build rapport; 10)
To enhance relationships. How many can you add to this list? There are easily
25-30 additional reasons that you could add. Are you starting to see why
listening is vital to your personal and professional life?

Research has
shown we spend 70-85% of our business day communicating in one form or another.
Out of that time we usually spend 45% listening; 30% speaking; 16% reading and
9% writing. Almost everyone believes they are good listeners. Unfortunately most
of us listen at only 25% of our potential. Can this be improved? You bet it can!


************************************************************************
One
of the biggest challenges with listening is the illusion that it is being
accomplished.
***********************************************************************

The
Challenges with Listening

Have you ever had someone act as if they are
listening to you? They may even say they are listening, but you’re never quite
sure until they show by their response that they understood what you said. Here
are just a few of the challenges we face in the listening process: 1) Feeling
time pressures; 2) Dealing with outside distractions; 3) Having a tendency to
daydream; 4) Controlling emotional hot buttons; 5) Mental or physical fatigue;
6) Listening to a boring, monotone speaker; 7) Having problems with the
speaker’s language or speech habits. Here are two more specific to telephone
communications: A) Not being able to see the speaker; B) Having a poor
connection over the phone lines or through the air waves if it is a cellular
call. These and other hurdles can cause us to miss the message in the
communication process and therefore lead to misunderstandings. That’s what we
want to avoid.

Are there solutions to these challenges? Absolutely! Over
the months ahead you can look forward to building your understanding and
appreciation of this invaluable skill for anyone in a training, consulting,
sales, marketing, customer service or human relations position. Remember,
listening is the foundation of all communication. Have fun
listening!

by George M. Hendley
About the Author: George Hendley works with coaches, consultants and business
leaders who are successful, but not satisfied. He has been an active member of
Dallas ASTD for over 14 years. George is first a learner, but also works as a
mentor, coach, consultant and author as the learning need might require. You can
contact George Hendley at 972.234.4377 or href="http://www.georgehendleypresents.com">www.georgehendleypresents.com

Anger is not a rare emotion. We all get angry from time to time, whether we
feel anger towards a person, an event, or both. While it is normal – if not
healthy – to feel anger, this emotion has the ability to dangerously take over a
person’s life if allowed to get out of control.

Fortunately, there are
anger management techniques that can help people learn how to handle anger. One
of these techniques is to develop better communication skills.

You are
probably thinking what does anger have to do with
communication?

Communication has a lot to do with anger. Learning good
communication skills is a great way to manage anger. Here are reasons
why:

Open and honest communication keeps you from “bottling up” your
emotions and unconscious anger. You can think of your mind and body like a
dormant volcano. It lays inactive for years and years, so on the surface it
appears to be seemingly at peace. However, deep within, it could be boiling with
negative emotions, ready to erupt at any moment. To avoid such fierce
“eruptions”, that is, to keep one’s anger at bay, it is important for a person
to be able to regularly vent frustrations in a healthy and manageable
way.

The most practical approach is to share and relate your frustrations
with open, honest communication. You can talk through your frustrations with
family, friends, your significant other, or maybe even a psychiatrist.
Communicating your frustrations is among the best anger management techniques
you can use to keep yourself from erupting into anger.

Now communication
skills doesn’t just mean talking openly about your feelings. It also means being
able to listen thoughtfully to other people.

People who have difficulty
controlling their anger do so because they fail to listen, often jumping to
conclusions. They allow themselves to be taken over by their emotions and
eventually find themselves without logic or reason and acting on pure
instinct.

Think about a time when you got into a heated argument with
someone. Do you remember becoming extremely angry and maybe even violent? You
lashed into anger because your emotions got the best of you – bypassing all
logic and reason. If you had attempted to listen to the other person’s side of
the story, instead of hastily and angrily defending yours, you would have
maintained better composure and saved yourself the headache and the damage
brought about by your eruptive behavior.

So learning good communication
skills to better manage anger is not just about expressing your frustrations, it
is also about intently listening. This way, when you get into a heated argument,
you can step back and think about the situation and decide on a more appropriate
course of action, instead of jumping to conclusions that can lead you to lashing
out in anger.

While human beings are equipped with communication skills,
sometimes we don’t use it to the best of our abilities. By learning good
communication skills, we can learn how to handle anger management issues
better.

There are many ways to improve your communication skills, you can
try self help books or seek the advice of a professional. Whatever approach you
choose, it is your willingness to learn and change your ways that will enhance
the effectiveness of these anger management techniques.

by Mike C. Powers
numerous subjects from href="http://www.selfmadeeasy.com/pd_anger_management_tips.cfm"
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