Effective Communication Skills

5 Keys To Powerful Communication
As a coach that specializes in marriage, couples and family coaching, it is
critical to develop strong and clear keys for communication. How many times have
you been faced with a difficult feeling or occurrence that you are reluctant to
discuss with your partner? You probably thought, “If I just don’t say anything,
I can get past it”?
The problem is most of us can’t get past it. It simmers and swells until we
near our boiling point. Finally, we explode. The problem has magnified itself
beyond rational conversation. From this miscommunication comes a personal,
relational and emotional mess.

I have developed, tested and proven 5 very critical keys to effective and
powerful communication. First, you and your partner must give each other
permission to discuss your feelings and issues that arise between yourselves.
This is very difficult for most people. Why? It requires respect for yourself
and your partner. You must have a non-defensive and non-judgmental environment,
free from hidden agendas and defenses. Forming this connection will help you to
see the others perspective and create a constructive environment.
After we have created this new and trusting environment, the next four keys
will challenge and guide you to process information using a new method of
constructive communication. Create a new standard and process for yourself
(LTRR). What is LTRR?
LTRR, the code to creating and shifting perspective:
Listen- We hear but we are not listening. When we disagree with someone or
something, we tend to begin to formulate our reactive response long before the
speaking has ended. Take time to listen to all of the information or view.
Think- Process the information you received; all of it. Try to appreciate
their perspective. What are the strengths and weaknesses of this perspective? Is
it morally acceptable to me? How does this fit or clash with my perspective.
Reframe- Ask yourself questions to help you get clear on a new or different
perspective. A question such as; what is your perspective on this that is giving
you trouble? What perspective could I take from this that would lead to a more
empowered position?
Respond- Finally it’s time to respond. Notice that it doesn’t say react.
Respond implies thought and reasoning. Organize your thoughts and your
perspective. Share it with others.
Try it. It will be difficult at first and you’ll be dying to react, but
don’t. Personally, I utilize a 7 second rule. I don’t respond to new ideas and
perspectives until 7 seconds after the person has finished speaking. At first, I
had to consciously remind myself; listen, think, reframe, and respond. Now, it
just happens. It will just happen for you too.
Communication is a learned skill that requires continuous development and
practice. The more we apply these tools, the better we become at utilizing these
skills. Just simply giving each other permission to have hurt feelings, ask for
specific outcomes and communicate our needs can produce amazing results.
by Anthony Mullins
Anthony Mullins is the President and Life Coach for The Elite Coaching Alliance.
He specializes in leadership, marriage, relationship and family,christian based
coaching. He is the author of the upcoming e-book “Finding Fulfillment in and
Unfulfilling World”. He can be reached by e-mail:
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or by phone at 770.587.3545. Visit our new website
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