Effective Communication Skills

Dealing with difficult people can make you very frustrated and even feel victimized It’s important to realize however that it’s not actually about you at all. Difficult people really care very little about you. Their focus is on themselves, merely themselves. The truth is you are a blip on their radar screen. You are only important if you happen to be a block between them and what they want. Or alternatively your importance is only to the degree that they need you to get the thing they want. So recognize what is happening and don’t take what they say or do too personally.

When trying to cope with a difficult person the worst thing you can do is to stuff down your annoyance, outrage, frustration or feelings of hurt. Inevitably this will make the situation worse. Instead express your feelings. If someone offends you, say how you feel. It’s important however to avoid any indication of accusation. Instead ask questions to clarify the intention of the difficult person. For example, you could ask open “I’m not sure that I understand what you meant by that remark, can you explain it to me?”
When coping with difficult people invite them to express their feelings. Get their feed back; don’t try to assume what someone else is thinking because you may be incorrect in your assumption. So ask. Just as you need to express your feelings you also need to know how your boss or your colleagues or your customers feel about what’s going on or what you’re doing.

When dealing with a difficult person, stay calm. This may seem simple and obvious advice but it’s not easy to do. If you can stay calm and polite you have a better chance of not escalating a difficult situation into an impossible one. It also gives you the opportunity to withdraw from the conversation if the difficult person’s behaviour accelerates from irritating to unbearable. You can postpone the interaction by saying something like, “Joe, I’m speaking calmly and courteously to you and I need the same in return. Let’s talk about this later when you’ve have a chance to calm down.”

As you have probably realized by this time, dealing with difficult people is inevitable. It is a fact of life. You have a choice as to how you deal with a difficult person. You can approach the difficult person with your teeth gritted expecting to have a miserable or difficult experience. Alternatively you could try to be as positive as possible. Devise a strategy ahead of time. Decide what results you would like to achieve rather than concentrating on the negative issues or your bad feelings about the difficult person.